Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It's never too late to be topless.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
