I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
