It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
barbara walters just said penis...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
