he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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