Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
