We need to rekindle our bromance
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
