She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
