I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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