hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
