I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
