Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
