Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
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So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
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btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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