Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
worst night to have a conscience
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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