I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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