They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
