im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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