i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Is it because I queefed?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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