He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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