Umm I'm too high to move.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Text me some of your sweat
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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