but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
