so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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