I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
