Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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