soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
