We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
worst night to have a conscience
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
