Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
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Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
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And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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