party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
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I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
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Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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