Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
