Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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