Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
