Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
