There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
