if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
