I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
