Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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