Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
