I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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