dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
