That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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