Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
