I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
