Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
