OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
