i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
