her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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