dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
