It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Randomize