official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
