ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
