Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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