and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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