He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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