i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
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My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
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I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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