Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
