A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
