i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
