I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
