I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
