I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
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I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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