Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize