What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
