my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
