And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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