I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
