So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
