If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
