All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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