stop calling my apartment porn island.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Is that strawberry winking at me??
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
